|The Sitting Room|
|The Dining Room: View One|
|The Dining Room: View Two|
|In Case of Fire - Jump Out of Study Window and Hope to Land in Tree!|
|Luminous Signs - A New Art Form!|
|Towels Also Available On Request...|
I've forgotten that we have 24 light bulbs in our bedroom alone. And haven't yet had an idle moment to count how many we have throughout the entire house.
|Very Loud Red Bells All Over The House|
We also have an industrial fire alarm system. This came to my attention before Christmas when my friend B came round for a bite to eat one evening. I was griddling steak and producing quite a lot of smoke. I'd just said, "We don't have an extractor fan in here" when all hell was let loose. Imagine the fire alarms going off in your place of work. Well, this was a place of work and the fire alarms are just like that. I had no idea that the system was switched on. And I had no idea how to switch it off. Or whether the alarm was going straight through to the fire station.
Leaving B using a fork to try to prise open one of the smoke detectors in the corridor outside the kitchen, I raced into the back lobby where there is some sort of control box. But that wasn't it. So I phoned S, who was out at some business dinner. He didn't answer. I tried him again. Thankfully, he realised that I did really need to speak to him and answered the phone. The control panel was just behind the piano. I unlocked it and frantically pulled at wires and switches. Miraculously, the noise stopped.
|The Control Panel|
But the best bit of all was my dear old mum emerging from her sitting room after about ten minutes, having finally figured out that the noise wasn't on the telly. "Do we all have to assemble outside?" she asked, worriedly.